Thursday, 17 November 2016

Please, don't kill yourself

Approximately one million people commit suicide every year, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO). 

When you kill yourself, you won't be able to see your friends, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, or children ever again. Your pain may be over, but it then transfers onto everyone that knew and loved you. People care, even strangers.

"Whenever I hear on the news that someone has killed themselves I bawl my eyes out - I understand that desperation they're feeling and I just wish they could see the absolute wonders that they were.  I wish I could have told them it got better, and I wish I could have held their hand through that journey."

"It's absolutely devastating when you hear someone's taken their life. I think about the people who loved and knew them, their family and their friends. How they won't be able to laugh with their loved ones, or talk to them again."

"My heart aches for that person and their family. It hurts because I was once in that position, and I wish I'd known the person so I could have told them that although life may be really bad right now, it will get better and to just hold on. Thinking of how their family and friends must feel breaks my heart."

"If I saw that someone where I live had killed themselves I'd feel so very sad that they felt that suicide was the only way to solve how they feel. Sad that someone amazing had lost their life battling their own mind and that they aren't going to be able to experience how amazing life can be."

4 strangers. 4 people who said they would feel absolutely devastated hearing on the news about someone they didn't even know committing suicide. If you're reading this, and you having even a single thought about ending your life, we care. I care.

I know how it feels. Not fully, because I'm not in your head. And I know you think no one cares. You think that you're a burden on everyone around you, and that you're hurting people by being alive so what difference does it make if you're not around anymore, right? I, and many others, have felt like this before. It's like there's no other way out, and the only way you can think of to stop the pain, is to end your life.

I remember a few years ago, there was a girl in my area that committed suicide. I hardly knew her, but she was such a lovely and caring girl. Everyone, even people who didn't know her, or knew what she had been going through, were absolutely devastated.

Your family won't ever get to see their baby again. Whenever they go upstairs, they automatically go in to check if you're okay. Or when dinner is ready, they shout you down. Everyone goes silent
- your mum, your dad, your sister and/or brother. Because it hits them.

You're gone forever.

Your friends text you to see if you want to meet up, or message you on social media. As soon as they send it, they remember.

They won't ever get to see you again. 

Your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, rolls over in their sleep, expecting you to be there. Or they knock on the bathroom door in the morning, ready to tease you about how long you're taking. But you're gone.

Your child or children ask where you are. Your loved ones try to explain that you're at peace now, in heaven, but they don't fully understand. When they grow up, they leave flowers at your grave on your birthday and at Christmas and sit there for hours, because that's the only way they can spend time with you.

When you commit suicide, you're gone. That's it. Your heart has completely stopped. And once it's done, there's no going back.

Everyone would blame themselves. Some of them knew what you were going through, and they'd blame themselves because they'd feel that they should have been able to do more to help you. But they didn't, and that will stay with them forever. Or people who didn't know your struggles, would blame themselves for not making more of an effort to talk to you, and to see if you were okay. They didn't want to bother you, in case you felt uncomfortable talking about it. The guilt would stay with them for all of their life, despite everyone else saying it wasn't their fault.

But they keep on blaming themselves.

When you end your life, your pain transfers to everyone around you. You think no one would care, but in fact, everyone cares. Some people don't show this well, or don't tell you enough, so that's what I'm doing right now.

Whoever is reading this - if you killed yourself, I'd be absolutely heart broken. Devastated that you didn't feel able to reach out for help, because maybe you felt like you were bothering everyone. I promise you, you aren't a burden and you aren't bothering anyone. I'd feel so sad that I hadn't reached out to you, to at least talk to you and ask if you were okay. My heart would ache because I hadn't told you that I'm living proof that life does get better, and if you just hold on tightly, you'll start to see the wonders of life that you thought you would never see.

If you're reading this, and you're thinking about suicide, please, talk to me. Reach out, even if it's just to say you don't feel good and you need someone to vent to. Or maybe you're wanting more practical advice. Whatever it is, I'm here, I care, and I won't you leave you.

Please, don't kill yourself

"Losing someone is the hardest thing to accept. Remembering you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away." 

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