Saturday, 14 January 2017

Dear depression

I thought you had finally decided to leave me be, but once again you seem to have popped back up. This time I really thought I'd gotten rid of you, but obviously I was wrong. Why do you do this to me? Not just to me, but also to many others? Why do you put us through this torture every single day?

I was once an outgoing and happy girl, who was studying, applying to go to university and loving life. I loved horse riding, running and ice skating. I laughed and smiled. And you took all that away from me.

When you first appeared in my life, I was shocked. Why me? What is this? You followed me to school, stood over me when I tried to sleep, pushed me down when I tried to get up. I gathered all my strength and pushed you back harder, stood up to you. I fought and fought and fought.

But you were stronger. I grew weaker, and you just seemed to get stronger. You robbed me of my friends, my social life, my education. Whenever I tried to do anything, you would whisper in my ear.

Don't bother, you're too tired. There's no point. Your friends hate you. Your never going to amount to anything. Waste of space.

So I started believing you. I thought the bullying that I endured throughout primary and secondary school was bad, but this was even worse. Because the bullies eventually grew tired - you never seemed to.

I grew tired. You fed off my tiredness, and became bigger and stronger. You either stopped me from sleeping, or made me so tired I slept all the time. You made me feel so bad that I couldn't leave the house. My friends grew tired of me, and left.

Depression, you may not believe in me, but I feed off the belief that every single one of my family and friends have for me. So when you knock me down, and I fail to get up straight away, watch your back. Because I will acquire some strength from somewhere, and I will knock you down.

You may think you have a grip on me, and you may think you can ruin my life. But you are wrong, and you better watch yourself, because one day, I'll be bigger and stronger than you. And so will every single person that you try and destroy.

Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you've ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were. 

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